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DECOMPRESSION FAQ
by Cafi Cohen
"He just won’t do anything!" say the parents of teenagers who have
just left
school. Prior to beginning homeschooling, these parents have high hopes.
They envision their older kids industriously attacking thoughtfully-selected
curriculum, running a business, publishing a book, graduating early, and
winning big scholarship money.
Some of those things may happen, but – in the first days and weeks and
months of homeschooling – reality bites. Most new homeschooling families
with teens deal with an adjustment period I call decompression.
*What is Decompression?
During decompression children and parents detoxify from the deleterious
effects of full-time institutional education. To understand the transition
period, consider the days of kids who attend school. Most teenagers – with
anywhere from 6 to 10 or more years of school behind them – have been
conditioned to:
Do what they are told all the time;
Work within a schedule of bells and whistles;
Ignore their interests and talents;
Attend to meaningless subjects;
Work for grades;
Work in groups, and so on.
In short, school has taught them that life happens with or without their
participation.
School also has absorbed the best hours of the day, when all of us
(teenagers included) are most likely to create, think for ourselves, enjoy
life, and learn. At best – with kids who get good grades and please
teachers – we are left with good memorizers, good regurgitators, good game
players. At worst, we have the shell-shocked walking wounded – apathetic,
sometimes hostile teenagers who wake up each morning and just want to go
back to sleep.
During decompression The School Experience is all-too-fresh in your teenager
’s head. Suddenly, your son’s or daughter’s environment radically changes
–
from coercive and group-oriented to collaborative to self-directed.
Suddenly, adults take him seriously. Suddenly, there is time for privacy,
time to be alone.
Many new homeschooling parents – with visions of All They Are Accomplishing
At The School Down The Street – panic. Parents have their own decompression
experience. They worry about covering enough, college preparation, and
altered opportunities for socialization.
*What can we expect during decompression?
Physical Release
Almost all parents will see behavior changes as their teens adjust to new
expectations and a radically altered learning environment. First among these
is a general unwinding, a physical release. Your teenagers may sleep a great
deal more. Some kids will lie outside on the grass and watch the clouds roll
by for days and weeks on end. Many kids become more affectionate. Those who
have seen the world as a Very Serious Place start smiling more often.
Habits
Bad habits – everything from nail biting to zoning out in front of
television – may decrease. New bad habits may appear. The good news? In both
cases, your teenager – minus the constraints imposed by school – moves
closer to being his real self. As he tries out various ways of spending his
time and evaluates his experiences, he begins thinking more often for
himself.
Improved Health
Families whose kids need insulin, ritalin, and asthma medication may find
they can adjust dosages (in consultation with a physician, of course). Many
teenagers on ritalin completely discontinue its use. Almost all new
homeschoolers reduce exposure to junk food, institutional meals, public
restrooms, and large crowds, which results in fewer colds and flu.
Different Activities
Some decompressing teenagers drop long-standing activities, like soccer or
piano lessons. Just as many dive into previously unexplored academic and
non-academic subjects, like computers, reading, dirt bikes, and math games.
When our then 12-year-old son left school in the late 1980’s, he spent hours
each day folding origami animals. Some kids, having absorbed all of the
propaganda about the value of schooling, panic and hit the textbooks for
hours each day. In all cases, go along, watch, and be patient.
Alone Time
Almost all decompressing teenagers spend more time by themselves. John
Taylor Gatto in Dumbing Us Down tells us that the alone time of children who
attend school, sadly, averages less than ten hours per week. This is not
enough time to reflect, the explore, to think, to fashion what Gatto calls a
"private self." Without this private self, too many kids lack a sense
of
their own identity and look to others for The Life Instruction Manual.
Unfortunately, nobody can write a manual for your teenager as well as he
can. Many decompressing teenagers know this intuitively, and thus seek more
alone time.
*How long does decompression last?
Decompression is a period following a major life change. As with other major
life changes (moving, birth, death, new jobs), both parents and kids need
time to adjust. How much time? My experience and that of hundreds of
families with decompressing kids indicates that you are looking at six
months to two years or more. Many say that the longer your teenager has
attended school, the more time decompression will take.
Parents may panic when they hear the six months to two years figure. Often
they have a son or daughter that educationists have labeled "behind".
These
parents begin homeschooling, hoping to "make up time" and "catch
him up."
Too frequently, they prescribe a heavy schedule of make-up academics that
would discourage most Ph. D. candidates.
Don’t worry about the time your teenager appears to be doing nothing.
Believe it or not, you do have time – plenty of it, if academics are your
only concern. I have seen more than 10 teens – using independent-study
materials – complete the equivalent of four years of high school academics
in less than 18 months. How? Are homeschoolers smarter than everyone else?
No, not really. Homeschooling itself, though – minus schedules and bells and
peer-group distractions – can be remarkably efficient. When your teenager
has decompressed and is ready, he will do what needs to be done – often at
breath-taking speed.
*What can teenagers do to ease decompression?
Physical Activity
All people, older kids included, need fun and exhausting exercise. This may
be a team sport offered by Parks and Recreation or the YMCA in your
community. Our son’s primarily physical activity at ages 16 and 17 was the
diving team at our local Parks and Recreation department. Other teenage
homeschoolers like distance running (anybody can train for and run road
races), martial arts classes, bowling, hiking, cycling, and yoga. You don’t
necessarily even need to think "sports". Some kids prefer gardening
and
shoveling snow and farm-related physical labor.
Outside Activities/Volunteering
Getting out of the house on a regular basis eases decompression. Most
communities boast a host of teen-based activities: 4-H, Scouts, church youth
groups, Civil Air Patrol. And there are many adult-oriented groups that may
appeal to your older kid, everything from ski club to Toastmasters.
Volunteer opportunities for teenagers abound. Check out hospitals,
libraries, museums, zoos, radio stations, political campaigns, and so on.
*What can parents do to ease decompression?
Relax
What you see during decompression is temporary. Eventually your teenager
will produce something – although it may not be the product you have in
mind! – and become one of those homeschoolers we all brag about. You have
plenty of time for academics, so bury that vision of the perfectly-run high
school down the street.
Calendar
Keep a calendar in which you log your teenager’s activities, academic and
non-academic. Develop abbreviations and code each activity with a subject
name (for examples, check out the sidebar, Speaking Educationese). You keep
this calendar not for the state, not for an umbrella school, not even for
your teenager, who will most likely find it boring. You keep a calendar for
you, the parent. From the entries, you will decompress and learn that
education occurs everyday, in everything we do.
TV/Mindless Video Games
While some make arguments for allowing unlimited TV and mindless video
games, we preferred to limit these activities. I agree with John Taylor
Gatto who says that television absorbs far too much time. With my two
teenagers, I found that they less they watched television (even good-for-you
television), the less they stared at the four walls.
Decisions
Involve your homeschooling teenager in adult decision making and chores. If
he or she has never changed the oil in the car, now is the time to learn.
Redecorating or relandscaping? Ask for their help in planning. Considering a
major new purchase, like a car, or changing the family budget? Ask for their
comments.
Similarly, when and if you choose formal academic materials, select them
with your teenager. Avoid large homeschooling conventions with hundreds of
vendors. Instead, examine potential materials, at home, with your older kid.
Try out material. If your son or daughter deems the product inappropriate,
return it within 30 days and look elsewhere. Self-directed learners all
share the ability to choose their resources. Certainly, there’s no better
way (or time) to learn to do this. Of course, you and your teen will make
some mistakes. Reduce those mistakes by working collaboratively.
Gradual Academics
Many unschoolers never include any formal academics in their high school
homeschooling. You may adopt that approach. Or you or your teenager may
select some formal academic materials to work on. If so, consider
introducing these materials gradually.
Here is an example. After three to six months of no academics, begin one
month with math – say 20-30 minutes daily or three times weekly. The
following month, add language arts; the following month science; and so on.
This gives you both time to evaluate materials. Also, keep scheduling
flexible. Eventually, your teenager may prefer two to three hours of one
subject daily, rotating subjects each week.
Journaling
Encourage your teenager to keep to a journal, a daily account of his
activities and family happenings. This need take no longer than five to ten
minutes each morning, when he or she describes one or more events of the
previous day. Those teens who would rather walk one hundred miles than put
pen to paper should consider dictation (onto an audiocassette) or learning
to use a word-processor. Separating description from transcription
(pen-to-paper) often overcomes writer’s block.
Self-Directed Activity
Encourage self-directed activity by respecting your teenager’s interests and
goals. Self-directed activity is any activity your kid does without your
urging. It is what he does on Saturday, when no one is telling him what to
do. Support these activities in whatever way your time and resources allow –
as an interested listener, with wheels, financially, and so on. Why? It’s
like learning to walk before you run. Veteran homeschooling parents often
describe how self-directed activity leads to self-directed learning.
Fun
Go light on the teacher aspect of home education. Don’t be the nightmare
homeschooling parent, the one who insists on researching the country of
origin of every piece of produce in the grocery store. Yes, it can make
you – the parent – feel good to point out the educational aspects of
everyday life. Your teenagers will probably find such antics more boring
than the school they just left behind.
Instead consider spending time on activities both you and your kids enjoy.
You have very few years remaining to share the same household. Learning
occurs as a by-product of fun events – like travel and playing games and
cooking together and outdoor sports. Enjoy – and don’t sweat the small
stuff.
Sidebar I:
Speaking Educationese
Here are a few daily activities translated into educationese. Everything is
learning. Surprisingly, you can call most of life "school".
Reading the daily paper: Social Studies
Gardening: Science
Reading (anything): Language Arts/English/Science/History
Drawing: Art
4-H Activities: Social Studies/Science/Language Arts
Bicycling: PE
Talking with Grandma about her life: History
Playing Monopoly: Math
TV Documentaries/Movies: History, Geography, Science
Painting a room: Math and PE
Pet care: PE and Science
Volunteering at the library: Language Arts
E-mailing friends: Language Arts
Guitar lessons: Fine Arts
Volunteering with a community drama group: Fine Arts and English
Red Cross First Aid Class: Science
Travel: Geography, social studies
Watching an active construction site: Science
Sidebar II:
Suggested Decompression Readings for Parents & Teenagers
The Teenage Liberation Handbook by Grace Llewellyn
Real Lives by Grace Llewellyn
The Home School Source Book by Donn Reed
Back issues of Growing Without Schooling magazine
Dumbing Us Down by John Taylor Gatto
Kaleidoscapes High School and College web site:
http://www.kaleidoscapes.com
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